Top definition. A knife stored near the toilet to chop giant concrete turds that would otherwise clog the toilet. Poop knives should be dull since an accidental skin laceration would result in infection and long-handled. Poop knives should never be used during the bowel movement.
You may want to find something else to butter your toast with, for that is my poop knife. Jul 12 Word of the Day. The horrible moment when you realise that you have accidentally done something very slightly wrong which has very bad usually embarassing implications for you.
This is typically the moment of realisation that you just sent a dirty text message to a close member of family, typically your mother, rather than the intended recipient. Message: "i'm free this afternoon so come over and fuck me senselessmy parents will be out all day" Recipient: Mum Message Sent - Onosecond occurs here.
Poop Knife. An idea, tool or tradition that was originally thought to be ubiquitousthen discovered to be unique to one's own social group usually a familythen finally revealed to be far less unique than one thought, though still rare enough that an average person will likely not know about it. The literal poop knife a knife used for separating large turds into smaller pieces, such that they fit down the toilet is the best example.
I thought it was just my family that celebrated Three Kings' Day. Turned out to be a poop knife. Pongoes ETB Mole Frijole Karmasutra HTTR Pull the ladder up The submarine game Red Shoes Blew my back out LNI Players Curse It may seem strange, but when a conversation was started on Redditit went viral. In the end, a product was devised to help those that have such difficulty. Be a samurai of the porcelain poo-poo platter.
What was it that would inspire such an intervention? It came from a convention by LearnedButt, a user on Reddit. My family poops big. Our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. The comments were everything you would expect. One user wrote: old rusty kitchen knife.
'It took me until I was 22 to realise that no other family has a poo knife'
Others were glad to find the company. A user wrote: I was literally SO happy to find this thread. No lie. I thought it was just me and my one brother. So she just casually strolls into the kitchen while me and my buddy are watching Friday night videos, and grabs a pocket knife from the junk drawer. Goes back towards the bathroom, my buddy is hey what the eff you need a knife for? Their dad hears this jumps up and runs down to the bathroom and screams who the shit this turd. Which brings mom into the bathroom she freaks out.
No all 5 of us are in the throne room in admiration of her magnificent turd. It was silent until her mom asked how long have you been cutting turds with that knife, I am dying my friend is in tears, well since we are all here I guess the secret is out so I get massive turds on my period mom.
So for about six years mom. We never said a word about it outside of their house but we were brutal to her at home. For those who do, you may want to get your hands on this poop knife instead of grabbing one out of the kitchen. After all, what happens in the bathroom should stay in the bathroom. Email address. Timothy Roberts. Share Tweet Pin.Art: Kati Kirsch. A great first — and usually last and only — line, accompanied by a photo?
Simple, succinct, and to the point. Which of course is what everyone who saw the post did when it was first published in Before long, the nearly word blurbwritten by a Redditor named Learned Butt, had not only gone viral, but it had become a legend.
A concept that nobody had ever heard of before, that people simply just could not wrap their brains around. It was something that had been so completely normal to both him and his family; something that had literally touched something inside of them.
The concept, of course, was owning a poop knife; that is, a sharp blade with which to cut shit that gets stuck in the toilet.
A simple tool that most everyone owns, but with an extraordinary purpose, solving predicaments that only some people people who poop big can relate to. As Learned Butt tells it, it was years before he figured out that not everyone owned a poop knife.
He was 22 and in college when he discovered this. That is, 22, in college, and sitting on the toilet. And how? Because someone had decided poop knives were a good idea and ran with it.
At OK Whateverwe knew that neither Learned Butt nor the person who now manufactures poop knives for a living would tell us who they were. This was OK.
Though it would have been highly entertaining to learn more about the people behind both the product and the family tradition, we were more interested in learning about poop knives themselves; to understand their trajectory from being a communal bathroom tool to an inside family joke to an epic Reddit post and now, to something you can wield within the confines of your own toilet basin. Long story short, we reached out to both of them, and, surprisingly, they each wrote back.
Their comments were so interesting that we decided to publish them just as they are, in one full log. The original poop knife dated back to the early s or s.
It certainly predated me. It was an old kitchen knife, 8 to 10 inches long, with a wooden handle that had a hole in it. We used to hang it in the laundry room. The wood on the poop knife was dark and smooth after years of use. The edge was dull and the blade itself was oxidized and mottled. A short while after I posted the original story, a guy contacted me on a Reddit in a private message and said he'd like to make poop knives for sale, and if it would be OK with me.
He said he had a design that was silicone, that it had a solid core, and that he knew a factory in China that could make them for him. I was actually pretty happy with him because I thought it was cool he asked me first. Many people wouldn't do that.
I certainly don't have any legal rights in respect to this. Using a knife to cut shit certainly isn't exactly patent-able, and "poop knife" is too descriptive to be trademarked in this instance.
He could have just made it and said fuck off. Instead, he asked me nicely. I make enough money, so I don't have any desire to monetize this myself, so I gave him my blessing and full permission to use my username and post in connection with the marketing of his product. All I asked in return is that he send me one. He said he would have done that anyway, and true to his word, I got one in the mail. Even though I still have my Dollar Store knife in the garage for emergencies, I haven't used it yet and it's still in the packaging.
I consider it more of an objet d'art. My wife isn't a toilet clogger and my daughters are still in diapers, rendering such an implement moot.Also, sorry. Fair warning: this is grosser than finding a pile of steaming turds on the windowsillgrosser than doing a pedicure on fungus-infected toenails. Want to join the family? It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room only to be used for that purpose. Wait, what purpose? Standard kit should also have included lots of tissue to wipe your face after you threw up in your mouth. So LearnedButt made it all the way to 22 years old assuming that everyone had a poo knife. He'd never heard anyone talking about a poo knife, but maybe that was because pooing is a private thing, reserved for discussions with toddlers and complete strangers on Reddit.
I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
I Just Learned What A Poop Knife Is And I Refuse To Suffer Alone
It turns out the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. LearnedButt is married and when he told his wife, she laughed until she remembered they had a knife like that hanging in their utility closet. In the toilet?? She is then seen to wipe herself with toilet paper before casually walking away. How to raise a global child. What you may not realise about your child's tantrums. QUIZ: What is your family's holiday type? Home Birth. Baby names. Baby care.
Baby development. Baby play and gear. Real life. School holidays.If you're eating, stop. Not because I need your undivided attention. Mainly because I'm concerned you might vomit. Did you know that poop knives are a thing? I didn't. But I do now. I also know what my nightmares are going to be about for the next few months. If I have to learn about this, so do you. Let me be clear. Pooping is normal. Nothing to be ashamed of.
But I'm not talking about the mere process of pooping here. Picture it. A week ago. Hefty deposits? Extra large loads?
Oh hell. His family takes huge dumps. It was a normal thing in their house, then, to have a poop knifewhich is exactly what it sounds like, so don't make me explain it. Not only was there a poop knife, but there was no secrecy surrounding the poop knife.
It hung on a nail in the laundry room, probably right next to the dirty laundry bag and fabric softener; and anytime someone needed backup, they'd yell for the poop knife. LearnedButt grew up thinking poop knives are a common household staple, because why wouldn't you have cutlery on standby whenever you need to drop a load?My family poops big.
Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush.
It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife.
It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had "guests" over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend.
He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. I need to use it. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing.
It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife.POO KNIFE - Growing Up Poor In Ripley: Volume 11
Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife. Gepostet am Jan 16, New Line Cinema.
Yes, and this post makes me want to call Al Gore and tell him to turn off the internet. No, but I've never used one. No, I've used one or something similarand I will tell you all about it in the comments!What happens when someone decides to monetize silly things they read on Reddit? The Poop Knife happens, of course. While the original text has been deleted, it has been reposted hundreds of times online, letting us all know exactly how it went down. My family poops big.
Our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Soon after, Twitter blew up with their two cents. Many were completed grossed out while others related to the original poster, saying they too had poop knifes, scissors, and even tongs. While so much about this is grotesque, perhaps the most interesting comes from someone who should have shred more than just a name with is wife.
It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife.
She will be getting her own utility knife now. This poop knife is for real available online! For those interested, you can buy the Original Poop Knife at their website or right here on Amazon. Your reason for buying can be entirely non-disclosed.
Who knows, maybe more people need this than let on? It could replace the plunger in the years to come. Shareably Join your friends or be the first to like our page. Source: Reddit. Emily Medlock.